choped and screwed
by suzuki kasami
Summary: ryuu stole hidans scythe, but hidan wants it back. lots of drama! warning, hungry people, bad words,drama, funni moments, suzuki and itachi loveness,hidans revenge, and stealing the kyuubi. NOT a one-shot! and dont forget theres the akatsuki cheerleaders!
1. Chapter 1

**This story is dedicated to my friend. This is a one-shot. Her character is named Ryuu**

**Enjoy**

** 3 in the afternoon, Ryuu sat on the top of a big hill over the head of the leaf village, smiling evilly. **

** Deep in the forest someone watched her secretly only watching the scythe in her hands. He decided to creep out to get a better view. Ryuu silently noticed someone was watching her and decided to stand her ground until they attack. The man stood behind her, he reached out for the scythe only to get swiped away. Ryuu turned around to see nothing. Ryuu looked around a bit. Nothing was seen in the dim lit forest. She turned back around thinking that it was just her imagination. Suddenly something jumps out of the forest, ryuu dodged the attacker, and looked at the attacker only to see that it was one of the akatsuki members…hidan. "what in the world hidan!" ryuu growled, hidan frowned in a pouted fast, "well you stole my scythe!" she smiled evilly, "hehe, that's because you're an idiot." He stared at her wide eyed. "what the- I HAVE NEVER!-IN ALL OF THE WORLD!—are you just gonna sit here and yell at me or are you gonna attack," ryuu said a bit irritated. He smirked, 'hn, mabey this could be fun, and I could get my scythe back', hidan thought. Ryuu waited silently wondering what he was thinking about. Suddenly hidan disappears, she smirked, 'what the hell is he thinking, trying to sneek up on me, yeah right'. Nothing was seeen in like ten minutes, so she decided to walk away.**

** Hidan sprang in the middle of nowhere thinking that one of the broken branches was her, he hit the branch and frowned. 'what the-where'd she go'. He decided to look in the forest. Walking deep into the forest, something swung out in front of him, cutting his head off. His head hit the ground. "aw man, you've gotta be kidin me! That not fair ryuu! You cheated!" ryuu came out smiling at the separated body. "muahahaha! That's what you get!" hidans bodyless head frowned, "FOR WHAT! SO YOU CAN F- hidan calm down. Ill get sasori to seal your head back on, then ill give you the scythe," hidan smirked, "but under one condition, of course." Ryuu smiled, "yes under one condition, "you give me all of…YOUR CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES! MUAHAHAHA!" Hidan screamed, "NOOOOOOO!"**

**Alright there is my one shot, hope you enjoy.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Ok this is just the next part of Suzuki-chan's story about me and Hidan. Enjoy! OH THIS IS RYUU (pronounced Rai-yuu) **

**Ryuu glared at him. Should she be nice to him and sew his head back on? She smirked and kicked his head. "Ow! What the- was that for?" he shouted. She shrugged "I just felt like kicking you." "OH YOU JUST WAIT TILL I GET MY BODY BACK!" he shouted. "Keep yelling at me and you won't get your body back." Ryuu yelled back. He glared at her. "Ok be that way…" he said. Ryuu smiled evilly and picked his head up. "Careful with my head..." he said "Yeah yeah yeah…" Ryuu said rolling her eyes. Suddenly thinking of something she giggled. "What's so funny?" Hidan said raising his voice a bit. "Oh nothing…" she said "Ok tell me now." He said glaring at me. "Well if I get your head and body back together you have to give me something in return." Hidan smirked, "umm how bout that cookie-DON'T WANT NO DAMN COOKIE!" Ryuu shouted. "Ok then sheesh…Well what do you want?" "You do all my missions for the whole week or…" "Or what" he replied rolling his eyes. "I feed your head to Zetsu." She growled. "…Fine" he said.**

**(Now this is me! Suzuki! Okay here's the fucked up part.)**

**Ryuu walked over to zetsu and whispered something in his ear. He smiled licking his lips. Hidan frowned, 'what the fuck is they thinking?' suddenly Ryuu handed hidans head to zetsu, hidan cursed loudly. "WHAT THE FUCK! RYUU I THOUGHT YOU PROMISED! AHH DON'T TOUCH ME THERE SICK BASTARD! WHAT THE HELL!" and from then on, both Ryuu and zetsu were laughing their heads off. Until Tobi came. "Ooooooh, a toy head of hidan that can talk! WWWEEEEEEEEE!" suddenly Tobi snatched the head and headed to his room. Ryuu's mouth dropped. "Damn…and I really wanted that head of his," zetsu whispered. Ryuu walked back to her room leaving zetsu to just stand there.**

**Madara's room**

"**hahahaaaaa! I will have you as my own!" madara laughed evil, shadingan showing through the whole. When he reached for hidans head hidan got out one last word or at least two, "holy shit!"**

**Hahaha! That was funni! Review!**


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